Songtext Instead of here Mitski

Instead of here

Right as I dip a toe in the abyss
A knock on the door saying, "Are you in there, Miss?"
I stay quiet as can be
I'm not here, I'm where nobody can reach

Instead of live, I was lying on the floor
With Death crouching beside me, and still got up for more
Saying, "I'm done after this"
And to think I did believe it, I'd gone where nobody can reach

Death said I'd called, not knowing that I did
She said she wished I'd known that I'm still just a kid
But knew I would call again
So she'd mosey on back in case next time's really the end

Instead of love, he said, "Lie down in the dirt"
I looked up at the night sky, wondering, "Is this what it's worth?"
The stars never answered back
I got up when it was done, and went where nobody can reach

So, excuse me, I'll be opening my box
Of old friend misery, my secret treat
To feel like myself again
I won't be here, I'll be where nobody can reach

I'm not here, I'm where nobody can reach
Instead of here, I'm where nobody can reach