Songtext Milton C.W. McCall

Milton

Now, Ill tell ya a tale thatll bust yer heart
That only a few people knew, ta start
It all took place when our concert tour was booked at the seatac hilton?
Ill guarantee evry words the gospel truth
Got witnesses ta prove it, too,
cause we all toured with a fella by the name a milton

Now milton was o-fficial tour director,
Electrical piano-playin plug connector
An the slave-drivin-est travel conductor
That we ever seen in our lives
Hed say whaddya mean, ya need more rest?
The world dont care whether ya look yer best!
Simply show up promptly at six a.m. with your instruments ...and your wives!

[choir; in sorta of bringing in the sheaves way]
Shall we gather at the airport?

Hed always arrive in the nick a time
A good five minutes ahead a flight time
A-lookin like hed been drug through a needles eye
Hed stand there, stoned and about ta choke
On his egg mcmuffin an his giant coke
An then hed throw all the tickets on the counter and say
Check the bags and lets fly!
Well, whaddya mean, this is too much weight?
We only got forty-six pieces a freight!
And if it dont go, whos gonna explain it to our fan club in tacoma?

Wed all get embarassed an head for the plane
While milton stood there, bein profane
But somehow he always managed ta get on board ...in sort of a coma

[choir]
When the drinks were served up yonder...

Well, we deplaned at th other end
All the trouble seemed to commence again
Though milton had ordered three station wagons, a pickup truck and a limo
And though hed phoned ahead to that number two
Cussin an fussin an turnin blue
Wed always end up with two datsoons and a pinto

Now milton took all a that stuff in stride
Laid on the floor, an kicked an cried
But we always looked up to him for hope and salvation
But wed sink to the bottom a travlers hell
When hed check us in a remote motel
And hed grab the clerk by his shirt an tie an say
Whaddya mean, ¿no reservacines?

[choir]
Miltons getting bolder...

Hed shut himself in room one-oh-four
Let nobody in til he swept the floor
Adjusted the lampshade, aligned the tv, fixed the faucet, called the promoter
Well, whaddya mean were the warmup show?
Youre puttin me on! were stars, ya know!
And this aint the way we was treated last summer at six flags over dakota!
Now we gotta have a hunnert percent top billing,
Two-thirds in advance, a course, you silly!
Im sure we prefer a chauffered limosine and two air-conditioned dressing rooms, please.
Im what? well, sos your wife! shes not? well, to each his own.
Beg pardon, stick it in my what? well, really, merle who?

[choir]
William morris, keep us working...

Now, milton was a real good friend a mine
An wed stuck together on down that line
But there was one or two points over which we just had to dee-bate
Like takin-your-clothes-off-an-hangin-from-a-cross-in-front-a-the-tri-county-fairgrounds
Is not necessarily an assurance that the crowd aint gonna start throwin tomatas
An when ya arrive at four for a five oclock show
An the stage aint built an theres no electricity
About all ya could do is sit on yer butt an cut bait
However, you give ol milton four strong bodies, a nine-foot grand, a beer and a cigarette
An you just knew that show was gonna be ...outta state

[choir]
Bringing in the bread
Bringing in the bread...

Now one night up there in washington
We didnt get paid for a show wed done
An poor ol milton couldnt live with that; his brain just shorted out.
Well, he locked himself in the bathroom
An then when he didnt come out for an hour an a half
We figgered that somethin was wrong, but we had to remove all doubt
We stood transfixed in shock and horror
When we busted down that there bathroom door
And I hope I never see a sight like that again; no, I dont
There was nothin to do but close our eyes, an bow our heads, an vocalize
With a silent five-part acapella hymn, for him

[choir]
What a friend we had in milton...

Now were gettin ready, come next december
To put another concert tour together
And Im sad to say ol milton aint a-gonna be with us
No, it aint gonna be exactly the same
When they introduce us without his name
So milton, wherever you are, we hope you miss us!
See, milton has moved on down the road
Over the rainbow, lookin for gold
Yeah, hes up there where the stage lights is always on
But we cant forget that curly hair
When last we saw him a-settin there
Holdin his tambourine, suckin his thumb, an sound asleep on the john